MY
STORY
A letter to myself that I wish I had been able to read in 2021
Dear Chris,
You are about to find yourself in a club that you want no part of. One that will take you to places that you never dreamt you would be.
You are going to hold yourself responsible for things that you quite simply should not. Because the truth is that they are not your fault, even though you can’t see that right now. You are going to make mistakes. You are going to say things that you will regret and wish you could take back. You are going to tell yourself that you are the worst parent in the world. You are going to tell yourself that you failed at the very most important job you had: being a dad.
While you will not be able to leave this club, it will not define you. You are not a failure. You are doing the very best you can with the information you have available.
In fact, you are going to come out of this a better parent and a better person. You are going to meet some incredible people who are going to lift you up and help you when you can’t stand on your own. Because there will be those days. But what you will discover is that you will never be alone, ever again.
You can stumble and fall–everyone does. But you can and will get back up. You will model the behavior you want to see in your children. Lean into what is ahead of you. Embrace your opportunities to grow.
I believe in you. You got this.
Chris
As the father of three daughters, I am keenly aware of the challenges of raising kids. Between social media, climate change and the pandemic, children are exposed to stressors we never had to consider while growing up.
In 2021, my youngest daughter was sexually assaulted by a York City Police Officer. Through the manipulative behavior of grooming, the officer earned the trust of the entire family and used his authority to take advantage of the child. The officer pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor charge of Corruption of a Minor and was sentenced to five years of probation. He also was required to complete sex offender treatment and abide by the terms of adult probation for sex offender, but:
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He received no jail time for his crime;
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He did not have to register on the National Sex Offender Database.
Literally, someone stealing a car will receive a harsher penalty than the cop did in this case.
Outraged by this absolute failure of the legal system, I researched and was shocked to learn that this is a common plea deal for officers who commit sexual offenses with minors in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. That is because police officers, even Student Resource Officers, cannot be charged with Institutional Sexual Assault currently, as the law stands. As a result, survivors of sexual assault are prevented from seeing justice served, especially at the hands of law enforcement.
As a parent and a concerned member of society, I refuse to accept this as an acceptable punishment and am committed to never allow another parent or survivor watch a member of law enforcement who used their position of authority and inflicted so much pain and trauma walk out of a courtroom as a free person. There are plenty of people in this world who can and should be doing something about this and I have decided to let them know it.
The hard truth is that too many fathers are not engaging in this discussion around sexual assault. There is no question that you love your child but sometimes we allow ego or a fear of not knowing what to say, so we say nothing. Be part of the conversation, speak up. Channel your outrage. Model the behavior you want to see in our society.
But do not remain silent, your child deserves better.
