Difficult Days

Some days for survivors are tough.

Perhaps, even overwhelming.

Heck, even the people who love survivors have some tough days. That's just how it goes sometimes. And often, we don't know what to do or how to help. Finding the right words can be scary because we don't want to make matters worse or seem uncaring. But when someone you love is having a tough time, you get in the mess with them. You don't make a decision based on whether or not you are able or equipped to help, you just do.

That's what you do when you love someone.

And sometimes, it means just sitting with them. It may not seem like much to you, but to them, it could be plenty. Sometimes it's just letting them know that you are in the mess with them. Because it's amazing how quickly they may feel completely alone.

Often times, we feel like we have to have the right words to say or can offer the perfect solution to the situation. But more often than not, just our empathy and presence is enough. Our job is not to fill the silence or offer perspective about how much worse it could be or to offer places to get something to eat.

The great philosopher Winnie the Pooh often dropped a lot of wisdom on us over the years. I recently came across this one and it was a good reminder of how powerful simply standing by someone who is hurting can be:

"Today was a Difficult Day," said Pooh.

There was a pause.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Piglet.

"No," said Pooh after a bit. "No, I don't think I do."

"That's okay," said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend.

"What are you doing?" asked Pooh.

"Nothing, really," said Piglet. "Only, I know what Difficult Days are like. I quite often don't feel like talking about it on my Difficult Days either.

"But goodness," continued Piglet, "Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you've got someone there for you. And I'll always be here for you, Pooh."

And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his Difficult Day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs...he thought that his best friend had never been more right.

At some point, having some good jokes or suggestions on next steps or knowing where the best Pad Thai can be found might be necessary. Or not. Sometimes, they just need to know you are there with them and that you will be there in the days to come can be enough. Letting the survivor know that it's okay to not talk, because you will still be there for them. No matter what.

Because Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you've got someone there for you.