Mr. Roger's hero?

This past week, I had the opportunity to share my family’s story with Dr. Jennie Noll and Dr Hannah Swerbenski, of Mt Hope Family Center in Rochester, NY.  Dr. Noll invited my wife, Kimberly, and me to participate in her Safe & Strong project—an evidence-based online training designed to help parents and caring adults prevent child sexual abuse and online exploitation. Given Dr. Noll’s long history of research and advocacy for survivors, it was an honor to speak with her about recognizing grooming behaviors.

I spent the morning surrounded by cameras that probably cost more than my car, talking with Dr. Noll about the “playbook” predators use to groom and manipulate their victims. The good news is that parents can disrupt that playbook simply by being present in their children’s lives and asking questions, no matter who the adult is. I shared how we missed the signs, assuming that because he was a police officer and school resource officer, he would never harm our child.

The conversation wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. Parents need to understand that not everyone who seems trustworthy has their child’s best interests at heart. There are people in respected positions, doctors, teachers, politicians, even police officers, who seek to harm children. Not all, of course, but enough that we have to stay vigilant. We must normalize these difficult but essential conversations.

After filming, we met with the graduate students who work with Dr. Noll and Dr. Swerbenski at Mt. Hope. Hearing what drew them to this field and being able to affirm the importance of their work was deeply inspiring. From collecting data to supporting families in crisis, these students are on the front lines of helping people navigate trauma in all its forms.

Their work is demanding and often discouraging. As a therapist, Kimberly knows that even when a client seems to be making progress, a setback or trigger can bring them right back to where they started. She shared something powerful with the students: they may never fully see the impact of their efforts, but they will touch lives in ways they can’t imagine, offering healing, hope, or simply the gift of being seen.

This kind of work isn’t easy. There are days I think about stepping away and returning to a “normal” life where I don’t have to revisit one of the darkest chapters of my life. But keeping it bottled up helps no one. As much as I feel a responsibility to advocate and speak for those who have no voice, I also do this for myself. It’s how I channel my rage and pain into purpose and in that, I find healing. And when someone reaches out to say, “Thank you” or “I felt so alone,” it reminds me why I keep showing up.

I’ll probably never know the full impact of the video, or, honestly, of much of my advocacy work. My hope is that it connects with someone: that it prompts a parent to think more carefully about who they allow into their child’s life, or that it brings light to another parent’s guilt or grief, helping them realize they’re not alone.

Just like those graduate students, I may never see the outcomes of this work. But I’ll keep showing up, telling our story, and encouraging other parents to do the same—even when it’s hard to know if it makes a difference.

Fred Rogers, also known as Mr. Rogers, had a wonderful gift for sharing brilliant thoughts and teaching everyone, regardless of age, once said;

“We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It’s easy to say it’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem, then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes.” 

We all have a role in creating the kind of world we want to live in. Not everyone is equipped or able to step up and address what’s wrong in our world.  But for those that are able and willing, you may never see the impact of your actions, but that’s what hope is.

And honestly, the idea of being one of Mr. Rogers’ heroes? Well, that is a pretty good reason, too.