I have no idea what I am doing

I am 54 years old.  I am married to a wonderful woman, Kimberly, who is my best friend. I am a Dad to three badass daughters. They are each unique, strong, and fierce as hell. I work in organizational development, meaning I do a lot of leadership development stuff. I live in the suburbs of York PA, fight crabgrass, and drive a motorcycle on the weekends to pretend I am a tough guy or something.  Pretty average guy, living an average life.  Although I do need to say that I have never owned a pair of New Balance sneakers, that is my red line.

In 2021, my youngest was sexually assaulted by a York City cop. This man groomed my daughter and my wife and I, pretending to care about us and wanting to be our “friend.” We pressed charges and he received a sweetheart plea deal of Corruption of a Minor which is a misdemeanor. No jail time. No registry as a sex offender. Just probation and a lecture to not do it again.

I was pissed. Very pissed. 

At the suggestion of a police officer, one of this guy’s former colleagues, I decided to look into how I could change the law so that other dirtbags couldn't get that deal.  I did some research and found this was a common plea deal for cops who abuse kids. That pissed me off even more so I reached out to my local elected representative and I began to demand something be done.  Within a few months, a bill was introduced to the Pennsylvania State Capital to close the loophole that allowed this travesty of justice to occur.

It hasn’t passed yet but I am optimistic that our elected officials will do their jobs and pass it. It's currently sitting in the Judiciary Committee so I call the members of the Committee and ask them, you know, to do their jobs.  And if it doesn’t pass, I will do it again next year. And if it does pass, I will start looking at what else needs to change to protect survivors.

Because if I don’t, I don’t know who will. 

The truth is, I have no idea what I am doing. This is not my day job, I make Power Points and sit on Teams calls for a living.  I am pretty sure there are better ways to change laws than how I am going about it, Google will only take you so far with this stuff.  But I am pissed off enough to keep bugging people to demand something change.  We were fortunate to have had the support of the York City Police Department and DA. Not every survivor and their family is so lucky. So I make calls on behalf of all of the survivors who haven't been heard. I bug people who can and should be doing more to protect the citizens who elected them. My lack of knowledge is no excuse to do nothing. If not me, then who?  

See something that isn't right?  Do something. Be pissed. Pick up the phone and start calling people. Reach out to others who might be able to help you.  Chances are, they might be pissed, too.  Sometimes, you have to fumble your way through something to get what you want.  

To be clear, I am not suggesting you have to go changing laws in order to support survivors. The immediate needs of the survivor is the priority. Sometimes, just helping them get through the day is what they need. But when the dust settles, you need to consider how you can continue to show your support.  Perhaps you can voice your support to others who are working to change the laws or offering support services to survivors. The point is, be proactive in your support. Maybe it is finding resources and standing with the survivor as they figure out what’s next.    

And keep in mind, you do not want to take their power from them and decide this is what needs to be done.  They have already had enough taken from them, don't add to it.  Ask them what support looks like. They may not know and that's ok, too.  Sometimes, it's just being there for them.  Let them decide.  

But not knowing what to do is not an acceptable reason to do nothing.